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I`m not saying I`m lazy, but someone wrote "wash me" on my car so I just wrote back "nah"
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
I have a coffee table in my house. It`s decaffeinated but you would never know it by looking at it.
When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think “you dirty bastard”.
“Delete, Block, Ignore” Its too bad getting rid of people in life is not as easy as it is on Facebook..
You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.
The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.
I`ll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions.
Doormats are a gateway rug.
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.
Life`s short ... Drink fast