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The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
Before I die, I`m putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames.
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
My predictive text dictionary doesn’t have “tsunami”, so if you ever get a text from me that says “trumang” start running.
The worst thing about finding out Santa isn`t real is that you realise it was your parents who were to blame for all the terrible presents
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
Illiterate? Well then sign up today for free online reading classes!
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.
when in Rome get naked ;)
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.