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What happens in Vegas never happens to me.
There is nothing more annoying than a couple who just got back from vacation.
"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
I don`t understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites.
FUN FACT: I can fit 17 Pringles in my mouth. SAD FACT: I tried to figure out how many Pringles I could fit in my mouth.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
I wonder who was the first person to see an egg come out of a chicken`s booty and think..."I`m gonna eat that!"
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
Conserve energy: How would you feel if someone turned you on and then left?