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My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)
Has anyone EVER checked to see how the room or wall behind them looks before taking and posting 50 selfies?!
When sliding down the banister of life, always make sure that the end is knob free!
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
University; It`s like being unemployed, but your parents are proud of you.
People who have more than 10 items in the express line… We see you and we are judging you.
I`ve never done any mistake twice... three, four times may be!
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
Pay no attention to the pizza being delivered to the bush outside your bedroom window.
People say 60 is the new 40 but the cop who just pulled me over doesn`t agree.
F*ck you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
Roger that command center, we have arrived at our destination and will commence countdown..............Sir this is McDonalds how may I help you