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Coffee...Meet your Maker!
Coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight, I`ve got your back"
I hate it when I mentally undress a woman and my OCD kicks in and I start folding her clothes.
Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
Feeding my kid cold pizza. They will be off to college soon and preparation is the key to success.
Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they’re fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
I saw this homeless guy talking to himself and I was like, "Who is he talking to?" then I thought "Who am I talking to?"
With the right person, there is no such thing as inappropriate behavior.
When someone says "Happy New Years" I wonder, how many years are they talking about?
I`m having an out of money experience.
Growing up teachers always told me there was no such thing as a stupid question. Eight years in retail has determined that was a lie.
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!