Daily Silly Status

Of course I’ll buy a polished rock made into a necklace. I’m on vacation, aren’t I?

I heard an ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" But then, I can`t drive a bus..

I`m one more bottle of wine away from starting a blog.

I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine

Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.

Last night I had this awesome dream, where I fought this huge fat ninja and knocked him out with my super power punch. I`d tell you more but I have to take my wife to the doctor. She has this mysterious black eye.

I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD

I’m not getting old. I’m becoming a classic.

Your mother never saw the irony in calling you son of a bitch.

I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.

Drunk me absolutely loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.

I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.

No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!

Adding "and sh!t" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.