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Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend.
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
These kids next door to me need to quit yelling. I`m about to wake up their mom and send her back over there.
"She really does suck!" could be a complement in the porn industry
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly she`s gathering evidence.
To all those that now have a DUI, domestic violence charge or one less finger... Happy 5th of July
"Well that can`t be right." - dogs watching us catching balls with our hands
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
I am hungry 25 hours a day
I entered what I ate for lunch into my calorie counting app and it uninstalled itself.
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping
Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.