Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality, even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and a little dog.
Whenever a little kid asks me to push him on the swing I remind him there are children his age in China making iPhones.
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
I really like my new electric toothbrush, even though sometimes, I still break out the acoustic.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."
I roasted a turkey today, but I don`t think he got the jokes.
The realization that Netflix knows me better than my closest friends....
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?
Whenever somebody is murdered, the 1st person the police investigae is the spouse. That should tell you all you need to know about marriage.
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.
I think the lady at the movies is "shushing" me, but I can`t tell because I`m eating Doritos.