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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
This cat poop tastes like I`m about to get yelled at -Dogs
I don`t have friends, I have acquaintances and parasites.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Send me a text like a normal person.
It`s amazing how the lowly potato gives us potato chips, french fries, and vodka. Get your sh!t together, every other vegetable.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
Guys, how many times have you said "it looks great honey" when you really are just laughing inside?
If you`re in a hole, stop digging...
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.