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"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
Wow! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
LIKE IF you… walk into a room, forget what you need, walk out, and then remember.
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
if you were 2 times as smart as you are now ... you would still be stupid
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I’m starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.
The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
My beard itches, Web MD: Beard cancer
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.