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Marco Polo must really hate sitting near a swimming pool.
I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.
Don`t ask me for advice, my answer is always get them drunk.
My doctor told me to start watching what I eat. What channel is the Pizza Network on?
The sun shouldn`t be allowed to come out until after your hangover.
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their car keys.
I have no super powers. I`m guessing I`m the villain.
Well, all I have to say is TGIF. (Post this on any day but Friday to get comments)
I`m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
If i had a dollar for everytime i was thinking about you, i would start thinking about you.
Wait, whaddya mean... cookie dough can be baked? Seriously?
Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that`s why he doesn`t want to shake your hand".
It`s not "you`re" or "your". It`s mine. It`s all mine, everything is mine!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She`s 97 today and we don`t know where the hell she is.