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Dear guys: Women don`t want pictures of your d!ck. Maybe try sending a screenshot of your bank statement and see where things go.
I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.
The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
I`m beginning to think the only reason I buy bananas is to watch them die a painful death on my counter.
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
Relationship status: I make my own sandwiches.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?