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I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
All sex is safe sex if you keep your bright orange reflective vest on.
Sometimes I wonder how people who don`t have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
My wife said we could have a three way "when pigs fly" so I showed her a police helicopter.
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
Woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face....damn kids and thier sharpies.
you have lips ….. i have lips …… interesting
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
I just finished writing an article on "How To Improve Your Memory"- But I forgot where I kept it!!
What if Justin Bieber is also Miley Cyrus? I mean have you ever seen them in one place at the same time?
*Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.