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I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
You should be able to park in an “expecting mother” parking space if you’re waiting for your mom.
What doesn`t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
I`m giving up procrastination for Lent ... starting tomorrow.
Porn is the only type of entertainment where "not watching the whole thing" means it was good.
You use Google every day but I bet you can’t remember the order of the colors.
OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.