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Does the Food Network deliver?
Most problems can be solved with nudity
One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… oh, never mind.....
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
I`m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
I can`t fall asleep because I am too excited for Christmas
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
Non alcoholic beer is like porn movie on a radio
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
“Be yourself” is the worst advice you can give to some people.
I`ve seen bride magazines but have yet to see "Eager Groom" magazines.
I’m not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.