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I`m going to make a bucket list: Things I`m going to do before I kick the bucket. Number 1: WEAR SHOES!!!
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
What idiot named them nostrils instead of scent vents?
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Redneck Term Of Thee Day-Wisdom: "Mah bruther had him some kidney stones, but he wisdom out!"
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I`m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
I SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild...
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?
People always say, "You can`t have your cake and eat it too." I say, "Of course you can. Just make two cakes!"
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.