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I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed ... Again.
There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
"Everybody freeze!" -December
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
Wanna come over for pizza and sex? I`m just kidding ... there`s no pizza.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
I may or may not have just "Whipped my Hair Back and Forth".......
Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb sh!t.
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.
Just got done putting up all the garage sale signs. Hope the neighbor appreciates how much work I put into their surprise garage sale.
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?