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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
It’s the getting ahead that I’m running behind on.
Matchbooks exist just to be clues in detective movies.
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs.....But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll do it.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
As I was signing into my email account instead of yahoo.com I typed hayoo.com...nope, it wasn`t right but I got to thinking it would be quite appropriate, afterall, we`re trying to get someone`s attention, right?
If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
For someone who can`t put on a pair of socks without falling over, I sure do manage to get a lot done every day.
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.
Just tried to put my seatbelt on ... at my desk ... I`m pretty.
I would love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this knife.