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Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure
Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a regular pigeon.
Did you ever notice how a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I’ll be home in 5min” are one and the same?
You can`t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
You know you`re broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I`m married and not allowed to make decisions.
Bacon...need I say more
"Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" - I`m just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.