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If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
Men are like cheap dishes - easily broken & completely replaceable!
I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
I`m absolutely nailing this "I give a sh!t" face today!
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those meds.
I went somewhere earlier and saw a frog parked illegally and the poor thing got toad!!