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Yes I have a dirty mind ... And you`re on it!
Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
What idiot called it "best man" instead of "lord of the rings"
I really hate it when someone else creates something that I haven`t had the chance to think of first...
Who knew rock bottom was so crowded?
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
It turns out that playing strip solitaire isn`t nearly as much fun as playing strip poker. Especially at work...
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
When someone says "Surprise me", I quickly drop my pants.
If you start smacking people with your wife`s purse she won`t ask you to hold it for her anymore
Fun Fact: Valentine`s Day was created by a woman than didn`t get what she wanted for Christmas.