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In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
Mom: "Why is everything on the floor?" Me: "Gravity, Mom."
The hardest thing about looking for work is the sobriety.
You say stalker. I say unpaid private investigator.
Nice try, blocked number but I don`t even answer the phone for people I know.
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
Most of you like waking up in the morning to see the "comments" and "likes" that your status received. I like waking up in the morning to see WTF I posted!
Now that "twerk" has been added to the dictionary, I can`t wait for a Spelling Bee judge to be asked to use it in a sentence.
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Red, Trees Are Red ... F*ck? my gardens on fire!
Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time...
I`m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up