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United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
The guy who decided how to spell bologna was clearly in over his head.
is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.
Unless your "Awesome Sauce" is an actual sauce and it involves putting it on a steak then I don`t want to hear about it.
My cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it`s giving me serious ideas, folks
People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
I have four missed calls from my mom. A rescure team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting on my couch in my underwear eating cheetos any minute now.
Parenting is a lot like the bar scene: Everyone`s yelling, everything`s sticky, it`s the same music over and over again and occasionally someone pukes somewhere they
My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me.
Meaningless statistics are up 17% today
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)
Leave a comment if you`ve started drinking. Hit the `Like` button if you`re already sh!tfaced. *Cheers*