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I was driving to work this morning and saw a bumper sticker that said, "Jesus is the answer." A few minutes later I saw another bumper sticker that said, "Who farted?" That was the best game of Highway Jeopardy ever!
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
Mom: How are your grades this semester? Me:.... Mom:.... Me: Mother what`s important is that we have our health
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
People ask me why I don`t have any tattoos and I respond with, would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?
Last night a movie theatre was robbed of $1000. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, a combo meal, and a box of milk duds.
I`ve decided!! Iām giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P