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Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you`ll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
Summer is almost over...All you half-naked people are gonna need to find a personality.
Never realized how out of shape I was until I started sweating after using scissors for 30 seconds.
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
I wish I could match my dog`s excitement to go outside.
If offering people gum is cooking, then yes, I cook.
Hey, chicks who have words tattooed on your tits... We didn`t come here to read.