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Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that.
My phone battery lasts longer than relationships these days
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
Don`t ``Wine and dine`` me ... ``Champagne`` me ... step it up a notch
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
I don`t drink to forget my problems. I drink because I survived them!
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
Women my age expect a man to have his sh!t together by now. Time to start dating younger women.
They should make a "How It`s Made" episode on how "How It`s Made" is made.
Mail from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:No subject
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.