Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Time heals all wounds...unless it`s infected or gangrene or something then time makes it worse.
I told my daughter we might be getting a blizzard and she asked for one with Reese`s pieces
Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
I know it’s “cool” to make fun of celebrities, but the Bieber jokes need to stop. That’s somebody’s daughter.
Wanna try something funny? Go to a bank and yell "NOBODY MOVE..(Scary pause)..I lost a contact lens."
Helped my kid pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days..
Waitress: `Do u have any questions about the menu?` Me: `What kind of font is this?`
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
I always hear people say that a dog is man`s best friend, but I don`t even have enemies who`ll look me dead in my face while taking a sh!t on my carpet.
How`d this get posted?