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Normal trees probably look at Christmas trees all dolled up and think .. "Whore"
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don`t have to rub it in..
The only people who care about my college degree are the college loan people.
The path to inner peace begins with 3 simple words....Not my problem.
"Of course you`re the prettiest girl here, you just need to talk louder" - alcohol
Mom said angels are watching over me. I`m just afraid they`re taking notes to make sure I go to hell.
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to make anything your fault.
Lay-Z: My rapper name.
Being normal is boring.
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!
I don’t drink to forget, I… what was I saying?
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs… because they always take things literally