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If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and texted me 3 days later asking if I have a girlfriend yet.
Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
You will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
Fun: text a friend "Are you alone right now?" They go "Yes." Then u text back LOL
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
Dear Fork, I understand that we haven`t spoken since I ran away with dish, but I thought you should know that you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair. Sincerely, Spoon
Efficiency: skip your morning, wake up in the afternoon.
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village has one.
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.
Is it ok to ask a very pregnant librarian if she`s overdue?
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?