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Woah.. the room is spinning.. I knew the world revolved around me.. ;)
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
You know it`s been a good day when you finally take your pajamas off - and put some new ones on.
I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
My view on chocolate: God’s way of saying, “No hard feelings,” to those of us who aren’t getting any.
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?