Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.
To the 84yo woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, sup baby ;)
My bank balance is a constant reminder that I`m safe from identity theft
I`m giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud
“Oh boy, I can’t wait to be productive today.” – said no one ever
After a certain point, the `F` on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.
A coworker just wrote "Retard" on the windshield of my car. It`s taken me over an hour to lick it off!
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped and shattered my phone
Strange new trend at work. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Yesterday I ate a tuna sandwich named Jennifer.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
A world without Facebook would be much more productive.
Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle.
According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.