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Anyone who says "Let`s all put our phones down and talk with each other," is just running out of battery and needs a charge.
Who the hell is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
My new bumper sticker ... "Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
You mean.. people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
All I’ve ever wanted from life was to be a disturbance in the force.
Interviewer: Have any weaknesses? Me: Bullets I: No, I mean… M: Knives I: I don’t think y… M: probably evil dragons I: … M: Focusing.
Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher cost of eating out.
My Life Alert bracelet says.....: I`m Just Napping
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
If you start smacking people with your wife`s purse she won`t ask you to hold it for her anymore
If you slept with my husband I`d be like "OMG how much do I owe you?"