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It`s real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
Sorry I stopped listening to your story when it wasn’t about me
Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
Good neighbors do not put password on their wi-fi.
Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.
Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.
I always wear a wedding ring when I go grocery shopping, so everyone thinks my cart full of groceries are for a family of 4 instead of just me
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop
I`ve been around the block a few times.....but only because I was too drunk to find my house.
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...