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my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
In honor of St. Patrick`s Day, I`m going to create a hybrid of a four leaf clover and poison ivy and give myself a rash of good luck
I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.
Apparently "Fat Tuesday" doesn´t constitue telling fatties they´re fatties.
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
If one goes to online college, do they have to haze them self?
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
I have a kid in Africa I inoculate, feed, clothe and send to school for only $1 day. It cost a lot to send him over there though.
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
Remember before we met? I miss those days.
…and for my next trick, I will pull this dryer sheet out of my sleeve!
That awkward moment when the creepy guy in the white van doesn`t have candy...
I just thought you should know, I just did all the laundry and didn`t lose a sock to the dryer monster...