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...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I`m roofing.
I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
Why do people say “nice to meet you” before I’ve even said anything? How do you know it’s nice to meet me? I’m a jerk.
Before coffee: Hates everybody. After coffee: Feels good about hating everybody.
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
If I could turn snarky sarcasm into a paying job, I could be employed for infinity.
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
Never take advice from people on the Internet. Not even this.
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.