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Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
Black Friday is Americas version of running with the bulls.
My Therapist told me not to drink while I`m on my Meds but little does she know...I`ve been off my Meds for almost a week now!
I think stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.
I couldn’t believe it yesterday, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn’t actually mine. She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school…
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
It`s amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now I’m legally required to pee sitting down.
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
Gee I wish I could push the envelope... But it`s stationary.
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more