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How easily you’re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now.
Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5`9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers.
I wish I could write `` I Miss You `` on a rock and throw it at your face, so you can know how much it HURTS to miss you
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
I have this empty feeling inside of me. Wait, there`s my drink.
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
I asked him about his weekend, but apparently what happens in vagueness, stays in vagueness.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed a bottle of food coloring. The doctor says I`m OK, but I feel like I`ve dyed a little inside.
My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
I`ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
:): The Bipolar smiley face