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I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people......
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you’ll get what you want.
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system
On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.
Nobody’s phone is ever off. They’re lying.
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
Facebook - the place where you can whine and get likes for it...
Its all fun and games until someone drinks the beer with the cigarette butts in it..
I`d divorce my wife but I never want to see her that happy!
To any ex-military that live on my street I apologize for whatever messages we may be sending, 2yo has discovered light switches