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Optimism? Sure, it`s worth a try. I don`t see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
Most problems can be solved with nudity
Mom: "Why is everything on the floor?" Me: "Gravity, Mom."
Those friends who like and at the same time unlike my statuses please you`re increasing my blood pressure!
Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
The fox says you need to stop.
Its real cute how pedestrians confuse “right of way” with immortality.
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
Proof that getting kicked in the nuts is worse than giving birth. Girls often say, yeah I`d have another baby. Guys never ask to get kicked in the nuts again.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
After a certain point, the `F` on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.
My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
Constantly losing socks in the laundry but finding change. So logically there has to be a sock fairy.
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.