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Love makes the world go `round, but alcohol makes it spin.
Decided to make a life altering decision today.... When I think of it I`ll let you know
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
I just became a professional Counterfeiter, I even have the certificates to prove it.
I saw a girl being irresponsible texting while driving and it really ticked me off.....So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
My resume is basically just a list of things I hate to do.
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, "It`s okay, I think we lost him."
I`m not opposed to manscaping, but I don`t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.
Typical: you have nothing to wear for a party and suddenly the rabbits, the birds and the mice begin to sew you a dress
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling.. as I butter a doughnut
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?