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There´s a thin line between "I should do a status update about that" and "I should talk to a therapist about that"
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
I hate when its dark and my brain is like “Hey you know what we haven’t thought of in a while?” Monsters.
Now what`s funny is "Si" from Duck Dynasty
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
“Should I add more liquor?” is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked.
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
A man is as faithful as his options
When I grow up I wanna be a psychiatrist for the mentally insane...so i can find out what the hell is wrong with you people
If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...
I can paint the house and buy new furniture and my kids won`t notice, but, buy a new phone case...