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My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
If suppositories were just a bit smaller, they would be a whole lot easier to swallow...........................
On your birthday I think the Airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
Please pray for the people still playing Farmville on Facebook.
I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
The guy who named the umbrella meant to call it a brella but he hesitated.
You`re about as deep as a kiddies splash-pool..
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don`t want to see a lot of it...
Rest area restrooms are weird. The guy in stall next to me has four feet.
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.
If something rolls off of my plate... I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!