Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I`d throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
I dont want to sound like a badass or anything but I play Wii without the wrist strap on....
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
is a mystery you´ll never solve
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
If horror movies have taught me anything, it`s lock up your butcher knives if your child addresses you as "mother" or "father."
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
Time to get Star Spangled hammered. Happy 4th you crazy Americans.
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
When I see a girl with too much makeup, I just want to use my finger to write "Wash Me" on her face.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!