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Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend.
Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
I pretend I don`t care but deep down I really still don`t care.
pudding... thats always a funny word
Relationship status: Runs alone at night in hopes of being abducted.
Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
I inherited my dad`s sense of humor. He`s not funny either.
I don`t make a very good first impression, but if you hang around, my forty-third one is pretty cool.
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.
People who weigh their produce. What`s it like to have all the time in the world?