Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Being `clean and sober` means I`ve showered and I`m headed to the liquor store.
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect already.
"Why yes, I`d love to be a thousand pounds." – my brain when I see a box of donuts
LIKE IF you… walk into a room, forget what you need, walk out, and then remember.
On your deathbed tell everyone "pray for me" then make sure to leave a note to be opened after you die that says "pray harder next time."
Don`t forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.
The wet spot in my bed is tears
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.
I`m sorry, I live in the U.S. so I don`t really get the metric system. How much exactly is "in moderation"?
I don`t understand why people want a relationship when there`s pizza.
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
Wonders why there´s an ice cream truck for kids but not a frozen Margaurita truck for adults?