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Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
All my bills say "outstanding", I guess that means I`m good to go!
AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy, if you put it in your stomach first.
Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone`s house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
if you were 2 times as smart as you are now ... you would still be stupid
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.
I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.