Daily Silly Status

Turtles do nothing and are slow as hell, yet they live for like 200 years. I`ll probably live forever.

Occasionally, I like to agree with a man just to watch the look of fear, confusion and nervous-anxiety.

I`m "oh my god, gag me with a spoon" years old.

A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!

Could you imagine if guys commented on their guy friends` profiles the way girls do? "Bro, you look so handsome" "Looking hot, man!" "OMG, your jawline is cray" "Ugh, how are you this perfect dude? I`m jelly" "sexy much?!"

I need a leaf blower, but for people.

Stages of Drunk: 1. Wow. I can dance. 2. All hats look GOOD on me. 3. Shhh. Don`t wake up the cows.

Dear future husband, here’s a few things you need to know If you want to be my one and only all my life. I will not be an ex wife .. only a widow

This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.

Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?

Left the toilet seat up. Wife screaming in 5, 4, 3, 2...

People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical

If Guys Wrote Valentine’s Cards: “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”

I wonder if the girls on "16 and pregnant," will come back on "32 and a Grandma."

I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.