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I think I`m gonna shave my legs so that there`s less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald’s stops serving breakfast.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to simply ignore you.
I`ve been knocking for ten minutes. Don`t people answer their bathroom windows anymore?
The worst part of being naked is not having pockets.
The sole purpose of a child`s middle name, is so he can tell when he`s really in trouble.
I`m curious: Do girls shake the gasoline nozzle when they`re taking it out of their cars too?
I have Beer.
Sarcasm: just one of the many services I offer ;)
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
I`m going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he`s dressed. He was asking for it!"
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.