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Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
Growing up and becoming an adult was the worst decision I’ve ever made.
Girls don`t dress for boys, they dress for themselves... If girls dressed for boys, they`d just walk around naked all the time.
Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.
Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How´d that work out for him?
A graham cracker is just a white dude selling coke in the ghetto.
Home is where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
Keep calm and pretend today isn’t Monday.
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect
It`s never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.