Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
One day when I was at the beach there was a guy in the ocean yelling, "Shark! Help!" And I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn`t going to help him.
I like how adding a little OJ to a glass of champagne says “I’m classy” instead of “It’s nine in the morning and I have a drinking problem.”
Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That`s why I think of jogging every morning.
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
That awkward moment for a guy when he`s at a urinal stall and another guy takes the stall right next to him when there`s plenty of other perfectly good stalls farther away..
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
It takes balls to be a man.
Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don`t apply the brakes
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.