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My New Years resolutions are just a list of mixed drinks I haven`t tried yet.
If you`re going to be a d!ck.. At least be a big one.
"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
Never judge a book by it`s movie.
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
Apologising does not mean you are wrong and the other person is right, it just means you value your relationship more than your ego.
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
I hate it when I open Facebook and miss a week of work.
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it`s not their own.
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...