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Ya Know?!?......The number of ways I could care less...... is astounding!
Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.
Don`t do drugs. Become a Pop star and they give `em to you FOR FREE!
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
I`m the type of person that would thrive in solitary confinement.
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
People be like… I will love you unconditionally on one condition.
If you ever think someone’s too cute to talk to just remember that they poop too.
Don`t get into a relationship with someone unless they love you as much as Kim Kardashian loves Kim Kardashian.
Men who claim women belong in the kitchen definitely do not know what to do with them in the bedroom!
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.