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I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
I don’t understand ads on porn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like “woah! that’s the new detergent?”
2017 didn`t need that extra hour back.
It’s a good thing the fate of mankind doesn’t depend on me turning on the correct stove-top burner on my first try.
I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.
One square left on the toilet roll and no extras in the cupboard. Well played, honey. Well played.
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
Yea, there is no "I" in team... but there sure is "ME".
Better late than pregnant.
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.
I accidentally opened the fitness app on my phone for the first time ever. It just began pointing at me & laughing.
My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you`ll need a shovel and map to find him.