Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just watched a woman in front of me walk face first into a telephone pole because she was too busy looking at her phone. I could’ve given her a heads up, but then I wouldn’t have been able to watch her walk face first into the telephone pole.
If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
Welcome to journalism, where everything is made up, and the sources don`t matter.
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.
I don`t know why beer companies bother with an expiration date. It`s never going to make it anywhere near that.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
If your girl sets her Facebook relationship status to “Widowed”, it’s time to pack a suitcase as fast as possible.
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
Spent 40 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.
Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work