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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
Don`t under estimate me... unless you`re trying to guess how old I am or how much I weigh.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
No pornhub I do not want to share this video with my friends & family on Facebook
I`m pretty sure my laundry breeds while I sleep.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
Those who stir the sh!t pot should have to lick the spoon.
I`m just doing what the beer tells me to.
If Tetris has taught me anything it`s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.
When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should’ve listened the first time.
Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.
Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
For just once in my life I want my phone to ring and for someone on the other end to ask if I`m on a `secure line`