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"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
Teleportation seems like an awesome idea until the creepy guy from down the street is suddenly washing your back in the shower.
Some people are more confused then a chameleon in a packet of Skittles.
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
You make me want to be a drunker person
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
That awkward moment when you imagine your own funeral...
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.
I wish college was 5 easy payments of $19.99
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas
What do horses eat? Hay. What do gay horses eat? Haaaayyyy!
Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.