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lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
Instructions for having an adventure: 1. Stand outside restaurant. 2. Wait for someone to ask if you`re the valet. 3. Say yes.
Helpful Tip: When your wife ask whats on TV, don`t say dust.
You know you`re getting old when bending over is a one-way trip.
And yet another year goes by with People magazine failing to recognize my beauty.
When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should’ve listened the first time.
Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect
All I`m saying is if I`m not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign.
75% of men kiss their wives good bye when leaving the house. 100% kiss their house good bye when leaving their wives.
I need a new bad decision.
Just another day of not being rich and famous.
Not to brag, but I still owe Blockbuster $2.00 for not rewinding Weekend at Bernies.