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Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
I’m sad when my food is over.
If I’m not eating I’m most likely not happy.
Which one of you is Moderation? I keep getting told we need to drink together.
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
When I see something funny on the internet, I don’t usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual.
Not so great minds also think alike.
Remember before we met? I miss those days.
Sometimes you run into people who just make your day more bearable. Those people are called bartenders.
Sweat pants & Uggs in public says "and I didn`t brush my teeth, either."
Some people you know was dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall and fell out the window.
I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.