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I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality, even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and a little dog.
I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack..
Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.
Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
I`ve been catfishing my best friend for the last 3 weeks. He`s gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I`m showing these emails to his wife.
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.
The awkward moment when someone say "I gotta use the restroom.... Never mind."