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I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
My sister told me I was not allowed to babysit anymore. Apparently the baby monitor is not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby`s ankle.
Thinking of getting another kitchen table just for all my mail
What do you call a dog with no hind legs? Dragon Balls.
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
Nothing says “I don’t take you seriously” like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
What did the Japanese man say to the other Japanese man? Something in Japanese,
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from.
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
Hearing jokes is always 100 times funnier when you have water in your mouth.
Who named them veterinarians and not "dogtors"?
If you piss off a girl, just play dead. That sh!t works with bears and they`re just as dangerous as angry women.
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?