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Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why i fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again..
is "insert clever remark here."
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
What idiot decided to call them marijuana dispensaries and not grass stations?
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
If Santa doesn`t bring me something good I`m going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight.
Not everything on CNN is fake news. Some of it is commercials.
Thank god we don`t send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
I`ll tell you what`s wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.