Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, "At least they picked me"
this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can`t talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao
Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
"Thanks for coming" - sperm bank receptionist.
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
When in doubt, take a nap.
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That`s what the bill is for.
When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
I`m a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that`s the truth.
I had a wet dream about you last night. Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.
Iām not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.
Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.
Why be part of the problem when you can be all of it?