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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials. We’ve all chosen sides.
So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
Still waiting for the day I can illegally download groceries
The unplanned moments tend to be the best ones.
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
I`m not "rich" ... But, actually, it depends on how you define wealth. If you`re talking about money, relationships, or happiness, then no still
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
The older I get the earlier it gets late.
I don`t want to brag, but I`m single-handedly responsible for 86% of the rules in the Employee Handbook at work.
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.
I`ve got a lot to unlearn.