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No one has ever said, "You know what would make this even better? ... Turkey bacon."
I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
When I hear someone say, "chicken pot pie," I get excited three times.
I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
People say that 60 is the new 40. The cop who pulled me over didn`t agree.
When I`m on my deathbed, I`m definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
Who named the walkie talkie and why isn`t the vacuum called the pushy sucky?
Applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
Language is cool because it`s just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
Hey, people who don`t drive *exactly* like I do. Get off the road!
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.