Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Lady: what Colour are my eyes? Man: 34D
Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn`t for any religious reasons. They couldn`t find three wise men and a virgin.
?"I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the "why aren`t you wearing pants" look."
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.
Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
I spent 2 hours cleaning this kitchen. Mess it up and I will cut you! ... Love MOM
Next time you see someone you don`t like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
You’re really not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.
Can you do me a favour? Stand in front of my car, I need to test my brakes.
Velcro, what a rip-off!
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
Facebook posts with 12 hashtags, who the f*ck are you trying to reach?