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How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
I`ve been wondering, If poison goes out of date and expires, does it become more or less deadly?
Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
This looks like a job for Superman! -unemployed Superman reading the classifieds
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck
I hate when someone has a loud conversation on their cell phone and then gives me dirty looks for jotting down everything they say.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
The bears had it right choosing to hibernate all winter.
Dating Tip: If she hasn`t kissed you by the third date, she`s there for the food.
my entire life is a "had to be there" moment
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
Marriage...betting someone half your stuff you`ll love them forever.
I`m going to the gym now. Not bragging. Just want you to know where to send the ambulance.
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day