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If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
My most frequent walk of shame is from one bathroom to the other with the plunger
Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge. Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
There`s no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you`re blowing up a rubber glove.
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It`s not working. I cant take it anymore, I`m going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
life is short play naked
I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says “haha good one” and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my feet while lying on the couch, so I guess today was leg day...
The best trick the devil ever pulled was calling herself "him".
Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.