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If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
people say i talk in my sleeep , but no one at work seems to notice
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
"No! Don`t go into the church! Nooo!" ... "Honey, what movie are you watching?" ... "Our wedding video."
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
Sometimes I just open up the cabinet and let the Tupperware hit me in the face on purpose.
"My name will live forever!" - Anonymous.
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job there.
My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.
The closest I`ve come to camping was that one time when I fell asleep in the bushes outside your window with my camera.
In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY ... My best time so far is 7 min.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole....
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie
I just want to alternate between napping and eating all day everyday while getting attention, so basically I just wish I were a dog.