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Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
Half the journey is knowing where you’re parked.
Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I`m a big perv.
The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
Please just put it in the fridge.... We`ll throw it away next week.
It`s not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you’re trying to escape?
At the urinal, please keep your eyes forward and your conversations limited to weather, sports or beer.
I`m angrier than a waitress forced to sing happy birthday
I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit`s door.
On the 14th of December I`m going to call people and say "7 Days" then hang up...
It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.