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Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
Some days are just not meant to be productive.
I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
I wanna be skinny but I also want to have pizza for breakfast lunch and dinner, you feel me?
I`m introducing a new calendar system: B.C. = Before Children. A.D. = After Divorce.
Judge me if you will, just keep the verdict to yourself.
Are you one of those people that get hurt from things posted on Facebook? You can easily avoid that by keeping your a$$ off of Facebook.
Defeat....the feeling you get when you realize the "next" level is just as hard......
If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you`re doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
I try not to work that much. That way I make less mistakes.
If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
I don’t know how your day is going, but I just got lucky on the couch! Yep, I found a dollar!
funny status idea: a funny and popular one
Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.