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These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
Hey NSA, we all know you`re there now. So click the approve on my Candy Crush ticket request.
the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
I`m not above slashing my own tires to avoid going to this family brunch.
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
My body is made up of 90% water, 5% pizza and 5% wine.
Pillow forts have no age limit when you’re awesome.
heyy lol
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
If you are offended by the words "In God We Trust" on your money, then send it to me. I don`t mind it at all.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you`ve done with the place.
Mini M&M`s - for when you just can`t finish an entire M&M
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks