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I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, `13...13....13...13.` The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting. `14...14...14...14....
There`s nothing like sitting by an open fire..watching the evidence burn.
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
"Something`s wrong. He`s never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.
I`m not sure how to say this but ... Worcestershire sauce
Two heads aren`t better than one if you`re both stupid.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
I`m only gonna have one beer. At a time. Until all the beer is gone.
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!