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The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
If I’ve learned anything in my twenty-two years on this earth, it’s that it’s okay to lie about your age.
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
75% of women in open relationships don`t actually know it yet.
Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope`s car.
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
I believe in love at first sight or as science calls it, "boners."
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?
When it comes to f*cking around, I don`t f*ck around.
Printing an expiration date on a bag of Cheetos is just a waste of ink.
I just found a $100 bill laying on the floor in the checkout lane. I don`t even have to try to find out who lost it, because it`s the same color, and has the same picture on it as the one I lost 2 years ago!! WooHoo, talk about fate huh??!!
"Is everything OK?" "Well, I`ve been kind of down since the divorce..." "I meant with your pasta, sir."