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I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
Sometimes you can tell it’s going to be a bad day when someone you don’t like is smiling.
When listening to skinny girls talk about losing weight it`s perfectly reasonable to battle cry then karate chop their tiny stomach`s.
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
I found out that middle age is were you finally get your head together and then your body starts falling apart
I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
I can’t even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth.
I walked briskly with scissors today. I’m pretty wild.
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.