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I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop.
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Why do they write PIZZA all over the box? What else could possibly be in there???
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
My neighbor`s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
Sometimes I really think I have my life together...and then I realize my underwear is on inside-out.
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
I don`t think the guy below me understands how this works.
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
I`m getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I`ve been to in the last week that`s had "insufficient funds".