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Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if people could learn to manage their stupidity.
Guys... If the girl your getting down with doesn`t even have time to fake an orgasm..... It`s prob best you just make your sandwich
You gotta push yourself. Do 15 push-ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat an entire cake instead of just one piece. Burn your ex`s house down. I believe in you!
Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times. Then I pick the block up and put it back in my toy chest..
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
I don`t get enough credit for not going on killing sprees.
Your things are terrific.
Why isn`t there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.
I Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing
Don`t worry about walking a mile in my shows. Try a day thinking in head.