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If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
Drunk me loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?
I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don`t have to rub it in..
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
I`ve been waiting all winter to start complaining about the summer heat.
Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
That awkward moment when you realise you have way more internet friends than real friends.
Anyone know where I can get a waterproof recliner for my shower?
I decided I really need to read more. I watch way to much TV ... So I turned on the subtitles.
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
May you have a prosperous New Year. I may need to borrow money.
Internet Dating......The Odds are good but the Goods are odd
The real plot hole in Cinderella was that if everything disappeared at midnight why did the shoe stay?