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Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.
"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
When I bang my toe against something, it’s like I pressed a button that plays every curse word I know.
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
Just bought two donuts without sprinkles...Diets are hard!
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…