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What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
I’ve been a sucker for boobies since the day I was born.
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
Million Dollar Idea: Hire a bunch of people with OCD and start a cleaning company.
The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.
I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?
If the cupcake has some green sprinkles on it, it`s a vegetable, right?