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Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
The block button is just the adult version of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can`t hear you" over and over
Seems like you could save a lot of time if you just paired The Bachelor with The Bachelorette.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
I won’t come to your party unless you have an animal I can spend the whole time hanging out with.
Social Media Awkwardness: When people "like" a relationship status of being single by your ex instead of yours.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
I don`t mind my long commute, I just hate that it always brings me to work.
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?
To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
is at the park. Unless you’re my boss, in which case, I’m at work.
Duct tape can`t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.