Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome
A good lawyer knows the law ... A great lawyer knows the judge.
I was all depressed last night, so I called "Lifeline". Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting.
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.
A sheep spends it`s entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
Getting a text from someone when I`m trying to Facebook is the emotional equivalent to walking into a spider web.
Sorry I shouted "MORTAL KOMBAT!" when you started arguing with your husband at the grocery store
When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"