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whats the difference between a dog and a fox????? six shots
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left behind by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
HA! If you think I`M crazy you should meet ME!
Sorry for accidentally karate kicking you. Sorry for high-fiving everyone who saw it.
No one appreciates the special genius of your conversation like the dog does
Liquor makes me happy, You ..... not so much.
Did you hear about the Cannibal that "passed" his Uncle in the Jungle?...............
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
Garage sales are the gateway drug to Walmart.
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards