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"Why do you hate me"? I say as I attempt to hold my cat like a baby
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
When I was a child, I wanted to be a surgeon. But apparently I was too young
Winning isn`t everything. Rubbing it in the face of your opponent is also important.
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
The well behaved rarely make history.
H.A.T.E.R.S. : Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success?
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
I just got pulled over by the US Border Patrol. The agent comes up to my window and says, "Papers?" I said, "Scizzors!! I win!!!." And drove off. Apparently the US Border Patrol didn`t think Paper beat Scizzors. Sore Losers!!
DAAAAY-OH! DAAaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home.
Nobody expects you to post brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family.
I think germs are so nice for waiting 5 seconds before attacking food that falls on the floor.
It’s a holiday. You know what that means… Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.