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I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
Either my cooking’s improved or my family’s immune systems have strengthened.
CAMPING TIP: If you get lost in the woods, a compass can help you get lost more North.
Childless people wondering what it`s like to have some kiddos? Make a lovely healthy breakfast. Take it and throw it all over the floor.
You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had?
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
You know you`re married when you find her sexier with clothes on.
Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!
I got a little package in the mail today. For some reason it just reminded me of my ex.
I`m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
One day I hope the bravery of the people who initiate clapping is recognized.
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.