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It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
There’s always that one person that catches you doing something weird.
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn`t think so.
I always try to behave but there are usually too many other options.
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn´t surprising really, since it isn´t my birthday.
"Woo, I`m on a roll today, baby!" -butter
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
On the 14th of December I`m going to call people and say "7 Days" then hang up...
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria