Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Iām cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass.
Do you ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they aren`t talking?
Two Best Advices For Safe Life : 1. Always Speak The Truth, No Matter How Bitter Harsh It Is ... 2. Run Immediately After Saying It..
I don`t always drink beer. But when I do, I always lie about not always drinking beer.
Apparently, I did not use enough a$$hole repellent today
According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.
We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
Marriage teaches you forgiveness, compromise and tons of other things you wouldn`t need if you`d stayed single.
Dear whoever is playing sweet child o` mine at 2:30 in the night at full blaring volume to disturb the whole neighborhood......NICE!
Being an adult is mostly pretending to like wine and saying "the economy" a lot.