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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too
The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what`s inside.
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if your stuck in a Jamaican prison.
There are people in life you could NEVER get tired of hitting with a shovel!!!
I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen.
Ask me about my ability to annoy complete strangers.
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
Isn`t it weird when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.
Dear autocorrect: at no point have I ever meant “ducking.”
Today we salute Vodka~ruining family reunions and supporting hilarious `hold my drink` moments for 50 years...